Yesterday was rough. It was a long, mentally exhausting day. Anyone that knows Carson knows that he’s stubborn. He takes the cake for stubborn kids and I wish I was exaggerating. Something that works for Carson one day doesn’t work for him the next and yesterday, nothing worked. Yesterday I tried every parenting tool known to man and he did not respond to a single one. NOT A SINGLE ONE.
He is insanely strong willed. He is determined to be in control and have things his way, which when you’re 4 and nothing is in your control, it’s a tough pill to swallow. He is the child that you could tell to eat a cookie and he wouldn’t want to simply because you said to.
And because when it rains it pours, yesterday was another day that Ben absolutely would not sleep if he wasn’t attached to my boob. I couldn’t even set him down to discipline Carson without him crying. And at the end of the day I no longer have a husband that can help me clear my head once he gets home from work.
And maybe those problems wouldn’t have been so exhausting without everything else that’s happening right now, but the stress of the divorce and all of the unknown in my life right now combined with that, was just the straw that broke the camels back.
To say I was exhausted is an understatement. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Lately I’ve been so mentally exhausted that I can’t even watch a tv show like I normally would before I go to bed because I can’t focus my attention on it. I went to bed last night and absolutely could not fall asleep because I could not for the life of me get my brain to turn off.
“What kind of job should I get? Where should Carson go to preschool? What about Ben? What parenting tool didn’t I use today? How can I get Ben to nap by himself?”
And on and on and on. It just kept going with every “What if” question you could think of.
By the end of the day yesterday I felt like I had failed so hard. Here I am with the most strong willed 4 year old, an early childhood degree, and I’m still at a loss for this. And then I had to tell myself, “You did the best you could.” Carson knows that he’s loved, but he also knows he can’t act that way. We went for a long quiet walk last night and all had a minute. And Ben entertained himself long enough for Carson and I to have a minute snuggling together and regroup before bed, which we needed so badly.
The point of this long post is that I know I’m not the only one out there. I’m not the only one with a strong willed child, I’m not the only one with a breastfed baby that only wants to sleep on the boob, and I’m not the only one getting divorced. So if you’re like me and life is raining down on you today, just know that you aren’t failing and you’re not alone. Not every day is going to be a good day and that’s okay because tomorrow is a new day to try again. I promise your children know that they’re loved and maybe, just maybe, the divorce will have been for the better. And that child that is ridiculously strong willed, they’ll go far in life. They’ll do big things. Right now it’s rough, but one day that quality will be wonderful and I have to keep reminding myself of that. You got this.
He is insanely strong willed. He is determined to be in control and have things his way, which when you’re 4 and nothing is in your control, it’s a tough pill to swallow. He is the child that you could tell to eat a cookie and he wouldn’t want to simply because you said to.
And because when it rains it pours, yesterday was another day that Ben absolutely would not sleep if he wasn’t attached to my boob. I couldn’t even set him down to discipline Carson without him crying. And at the end of the day I no longer have a husband that can help me clear my head once he gets home from work.
And maybe those problems wouldn’t have been so exhausting without everything else that’s happening right now, but the stress of the divorce and all of the unknown in my life right now combined with that, was just the straw that broke the camels back.
To say I was exhausted is an understatement. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Lately I’ve been so mentally exhausted that I can’t even watch a tv show like I normally would before I go to bed because I can’t focus my attention on it. I went to bed last night and absolutely could not fall asleep because I could not for the life of me get my brain to turn off.
“What kind of job should I get? Where should Carson go to preschool? What about Ben? What parenting tool didn’t I use today? How can I get Ben to nap by himself?”
And on and on and on. It just kept going with every “What if” question you could think of.
By the end of the day yesterday I felt like I had failed so hard. Here I am with the most strong willed 4 year old, an early childhood degree, and I’m still at a loss for this. And then I had to tell myself, “You did the best you could.” Carson knows that he’s loved, but he also knows he can’t act that way. We went for a long quiet walk last night and all had a minute. And Ben entertained himself long enough for Carson and I to have a minute snuggling together and regroup before bed, which we needed so badly.
The point of this long post is that I know I’m not the only one out there. I’m not the only one with a strong willed child, I’m not the only one with a breastfed baby that only wants to sleep on the boob, and I’m not the only one getting divorced. So if you’re like me and life is raining down on you today, just know that you aren’t failing and you’re not alone. Not every day is going to be a good day and that’s okay because tomorrow is a new day to try again. I promise your children know that they’re loved and maybe, just maybe, the divorce will have been for the better. And that child that is ridiculously strong willed, they’ll go far in life. They’ll do big things. Right now it’s rough, but one day that quality will be wonderful and I have to keep reminding myself of that. You got this.
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